Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Letters To Myself

Since I am trying to stay in the present moment, I don’t want to say: this week, or this month.
So I will stick to right now. 
Right now things are tough for me, and I don’t always like to admit it.
I am good at pretending everything is okay when its not. 
I don’t really like that about me, but its part of me so I try to embrace it when I can.
Somedays….. like yesterday, I let my mind get the better of me, and it takes me hostage.
I tell myself that everything is wrong, and its NEVER going to get better, I am not good enough,
and I am not doing it right.
Here is the truth: I am having trouble managing my finances.
There I said it.
It doesn’t feel liberating….
It doesn’t feel good at all.
I’d rather eat glass than admit to that.
But part of the reason I started writing again was to share honestly my thoughts and my life with people.
No one ever said it would be easy, but it they said it would be worth it.
I can’t see that part of it right now.

Courtesy of: Pinterest

But I am holding  on to the belief that it will be beneficial at some point.
What do I do when I have trouble with something…..
I buy a book. 
Yep, I do. 
I have lots of books on lots of different things, that usually reflect the time in my life
that it was purposeful. 
But this time I didn’t buy a book.
I didn’t really do anything for awhile but complain.
But, I have purchased a web tutorial from the Daily Om
Fabulous website by the way, very up lifting,  inspiring, and positive, they send me daily affirmations, which I seldom read because  they are usually pretty long.
But every so often I will read them and it’s always just what I needed to hear at that moment.
So the tutorial I purchased is called Heal Your Money Karma
Oh,  have I started it?
Of course not!
I bought it months ago, and it sits there.
Maybe one day I will start it.
……and so goes the way in which my thoughts run away with me,
I should have finished that by now.
I don’t do enough laundry.
I eat out too much.
I should  get organized.
My closet is a mess.
I should fit into my size 5 ‘s by now.
I should  exercise more.
If I looked like her, or had her (body, legs, style, hair) then I would be beautiful.
Courtesy of: Pinterest
I should have  finished my Real Estate course by now, I am a slacker.
I should go to bed earlier.
I should  wake up earlier.
I forgot something important at work….
I am a bad employee and I know I am going to get fired.
(Since having a baby, I have  acquired a mild case of Alzheimer’s,
 seriously I can’t remember squat!!!)
I should have more date nights with the husband.
I need to make more of an effort to be on time, to…… ANYWHERE.
I am always late, to EVERYTHING, yes even work.  It’s a wonder I still have a job.
I should be more patient with things, people, life, etc.
I am a bad mom because my son is in daycare, instead of being home with me.
I am selfish because I forget people’s birthdays.
If I managed my money better, I would always be able to buy people gifts.
My credit cards should be paid off by now.
I shouldn’t have spent money on that.
I should have spent money on this.
I eat too much cheese.  (Random, I know)
My son doesn’t have enough <insert whatever it is for that day> playtime, clothes, toys,
 time with Mom & Dad, and he watches to much tv.
Yes he is almost 8 months old and he has watched cartoons since he was 2 months old......
 and I don’t care!!
He loves them.

I could go on, but you get the point.
That being said…..
 Someone whom I admire for her courageous  strength, and  grace suggested
I write a self esteem letter.
I can’t think of a better time than now to do so.
She said “Would you say all those bad things you say about yourself, to one of your friends?”
“No never, that would be horrible” I said.
“Then why is it okay to say them to yourself?” She asked.
“Oh.”  Is all I could reply.
So here is what I would say to myself;  as if I were talking to a friend:

Courtesy of: Pinterest

Dear Misty,

I think you  are so very wonderful exactly the way you are.  Nothing needs changing or fixing for you to be yourself.  You already are.  You are kind, you are thoughtful, you are loving.  You emanate these with your thoughtful and kind gestures toward others.  You are sensitive and compassionate  with  peoples feelings.  You always have been.  Even as a child, you always felt for the kids who got picked on and tried to stick up for them.  You are beautiful right now.  Nothing outside can make you this way, it comes from within.  You area good organizer.  It’s always been one of your great habits.  You always make an effort to keep the house clean. Your son is happy, and healthy, and he always has everything he needs.  You are a good mom, you are cautious, gentle, sincere, and patient.  You do “what it takes” to get things done, regardless of if you want to or not.  You are kind to strangers.  You always try to do your best.  You are creative and intelligent, and other people matter to you.  You have values, morals, and beliefs today.  You are loyal.  You make dinners that are good and choose healthy foods for your family.  You  ALWAYS so delicately  fold your baby’s clothes and put them away instead of tossing them in his drawers, and that is really sweet.   The environment is important to you, so you choose eco friendly products.  You recycle.  You don’t litter. You stay up late to fold laundry and pack lunches.  You buy cruelty free products because you care about animals.  You can see both sides of the coin, and you try hard not to take sides.  You have a big heart.  You want everyone to always feel included.  You hurt when other people hurt.  You are forgiving and understanding.   You want others to succeed.    You see beauty in everyone.   You are a loyal friend, and you keep your word.  You are gentle with peoples hearts.  You encourage people to be brave.  You enjoy being of service to others, and all of the many forms that may take.  Give yourself a break, you deserve everything good that comes to you, because that is what you give. 

That was hard.
I feel like the I should list was easier.
I had to think a little more  about these.
That’s what its like when I live in my head, instead of in my heart.
Sometimes it so easy to see the bad, and so hard to accept the good.
To really believe and feel like I deserve all things good.
Because I always feel like I could or should be better.
I guess that’s what makes me, me.  
I am willing to try and let go a little….
In hopes that it will all work out….
because it always does.
To accept what is, and to know, I am doing my very best I can this day.
EVERYTHING doesn’t have to be done right now.
Sometimes cuddling , watching  tv, and having ice cream  is more important.
All that other stuff can wait.

Courtesy of: Pinterest


Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Little Sister

When  it’s  time to compose a post, I always think it has to be suuuuu-per long. 
But sometimes, less is more.

Saturday September 17, was my lil sisters bridal shower, (she is 28 and yes, I still call her little) .
AND..... it was SUPER fabulous, I must say.
I had a vision.....with lots of help from littlest sister, Momma, and the 'maids, we brought it to life!!!
I had so much fun planning, shopping, and decorating, the night before the big day I could hardly sleep.
I felt like a little kid at Christmas time. 
I haven't felt that way in a long time.
It wasn't until the morning of the shower that I realized....
 how very happy, excited and proud of my little sis I am, just because she is my little sister.
.....and now she is getting married, and she is not so lil anymore.
She is a
generous spirit
and I am lucky to call her my sister.

Surrounded by love, yummy food, lots of bling, and tons of pink.....
Here are some pictures of the good time we had......

A sister is a little bit of childhood that can never be lost.  ~Marion C. Garretty

"Friends come and go, but a Sisters are FOREVER!"

"Sisters are different flowers from the same garden"

Friday, September 2, 2011

Change & Time & Other Stuff

So I intended to just write a quick little ya know….. and it turned into this.
That’s what I get for taking almost 4 weeks off from writing.
All these  inspirations and ideas swirl around in my head
for so long, it ends up being a mish mash of concepts. 
But none the less, this writing has been very therapeutic for me
something happens when I write. 
I like it. 
So to those of you who
actually read this whole thing….God bless you. 
My hope is that it's at least mildly entertaining for you.
And I am no genius- none of these ideas I came up with on my own, they are compiled lessons
of what I have learned from the many spiritual teachers I am honored to have in my life today.
All of you are my spiritual teachers, and I thank you!!!
I also proof read and edit and blah, blah, and I get to the end....I think-OMG!!
I can’t post this!!!
Its ridiculous, and personal, and silly, or whatever I tell myself that day.
And ya know what?
I do it anyways.
So here goes….

Change takes place over time. 
But what is time?
What is change?
How are they measured?
What relationship do they have with one another?
Deep and profound questions….that to which I do not have an answer for!! 
Haha!!  I tricked ya!!
All I have is  my experience on these concepts,
because I believe that is what they are; concepts.
Concepts that the mind perceives.
Perceives to be good or perceives to be bad.
Because no body puts thoughts or ideas in my mind. 
When a situation occurs, I perceive the situation
With my eyes, ears, and brain. 
A brain that is used to form thoughts, and these thoughts  form ideas. 
Ideas about what the given situation means to me. 
No one tells me what to think.
For example.  When someone is yelling. 
I hear the voice, see their face, and in my mind I tell myself, they are yelling  AT ME. 
Which they very well maybe, but anytime  I personalize a situation
(by adding the at me part  I have victimized myself, and taken my own power away.
“They are mean to me”  “They have lied to me”  “They want me to fail”
I have allowed them to harm me , and I get sore about it.
I want them to stop their bad behavior so I that I will be okay.
In order to change my emotional conduct I must change my thoughts. 
In order to that, I must change how I perceive what is happening. 
So next time a situation like the above said example happens; I can choose to tell myself this :
“They are yelling.”not “yelling  at me”  just  “ they are yelling.”
Ah, well that doesn’t sound near as dramatic  as something they are “doing to me.”
This enables me  to constructively view the situation and handle it
without emotional attachment.
 Instead of thinking he lied tome.  He lied.  
It is really that simple, it just takes some practice.

courtesy of: Pinterest
Now about time.
Time only exists in the physical world.
Change always exists; its not a stop and start kind of thing.  It just always is.
Then why do we   I mean I, have such trouble with change?
I like things to stay the same ……comfortable and predictable.
Therefore I can be prepared for whatever comes my way- Aha!  There it is!!
So I can be prepared!
You see….worrying is my attempt at being useful in a situation
I know is out of my control.
 Worrying, thinking, planning, scheming, manipulating, plotting…
you name it- I DO IT.
 All these things are my way perceiving that I am in control of a given situation.
Perception is a funny thing .
 What I believe in my mind to be true is what I experience.
Its what I create in my mind with my thoughts. 

courtesy of: Pinterest
I came across and interesting hmmm… what should I call this ( I write as I think so excuse my all over-the-place-ness) I guess I would call it a theory:  Yeah theory works, so anyways  the theory I came across went like this:  “Believing  means to think that certain things are true because that’s what we have heard or that’s what we have been told. ( I am paraphrasing -BTW) and Knowing is inherent.  Its what we know because its what we have experienced or felt.”
  I know right? Crazy stuff.
So I ask myself, how much of what I believe is what I know- hmmm….. well not much!!
So how do I know that what I believe is different from what I know?
I figured it when I heard myself inserting a disclaimer like these: 
I heard, or I read, or so and so told me.
The things I know are a little different, they go more like this:
I am whole and nothing is wrong in this moment. 
I am a spiritual being having  a human experience; and everything is as it should be.   
When I remember that I know these things:  I am happy, and I have  peace, and I know:
Nothing is wrong and nothing  needs fixing.
When I forget that I know these things and have always known these things, I am in belief, and  I perceive  that I have to make things right, or different, or better, or things are not okay as they are. 
They need to be different in order for me to be happy.
So how does one go about knowing all the time? 

courtesy of: Pinterest
Excellent question.
Well….there is no such thing.
Because all the time is right now.
Its in this moment.
But I would suggest meditation. 
Ahhh..... the daunting task of trying to quiet the mind and listen to its emptiness right? 
Well in my humble experience- not so much.
Trying, in my experience is an act of doing or creating something with intended force.
The dictionary definition of trying is this:
extremely annoying, difficult, or the like;
straining one's patience and goodwill to the limit.
Wow, that doesn't sound like much fun.
Meditation has nothing to do with force. 
As its been explained to m like this:  I sit somewhere-anywhere comfortably, close my eyes, and listen to the sounds, and watch the thoughts pass in my brain.  For- are you ready for this???
 THREE loooooooong minutes!!
 What?  Did you say 30 or 3??
3-JUST  3??!!! 
Hey I can do three minutes.
 So that is what I did- for a lot of months too, I was told amazing things would happen.
 I did not believe that statement one bit.
Yeah ok, sure they will. 
Like am I gonna win the lottery without buying a ticket kind of amazing?? 
Well no, but it was true. 
Amazing things did happen. 
The kinds of things you will have to experience for yourself,
it wont do them justice for me to just tell you,
for each of us has our own relationship with regards to the amazing.
So why is the meditation the first thing to go in my spiritual practice???
That I do not know my friends, but to be honest I haven’t had a daily practice in about 2 years.
I will do it from time to time when I feel crazy and then stop again, I don’t know whey I do this
because  I need it like I need air. 
And I feel like I am suffocating myself right now without it. 
So a friend and I set out on a 28 day challenge to do 3 minutes in the am
and 3 minutes in the pm.   
Since it takes time to change old habits  and create new ones we selected 28 days. 
She is doing much better than I, so far-I have been pretty unsuccessful
clocking  3 days out of 10.  Pretty sad. 
So everyday that I forget, or miss.  I am going to start the 28 days all over again.
That being said  I invite you all to the challenge as well, and experience…..
the  AMAZING things lie in store for you.
Do you accept?

"Meditation is the gateway, through which you arrive to the world of freedom"
~Remez Sasson