Thursday, June 7, 2012

Just for Today

Sometimes I just I want him to stay small forever.
I miss all the things about him when he was so tiny.
his baby smell,
how he could sleep anywhere at anytime,
the way his whole body would fit on one arm,
Numerous middle of the night wake up calls...which still happen by the way.
I couldn't wait for him to wake up in the middle of the night so I could snuggle him...
Because when he was so new, I missed him when he slept. 

thought by 16 months old, he would be sleeping through the night....
16 months old and I still feed him a bottle every night before bed.
We have our little ritual...
first he has a bath...
I get him all snug in his jammies, he gets his monkey blanket,
we get cozy on my bed with all the pillows,
I cradle him like a newborn....
stare at his gorgeous, tired blue eyes,
kiss his nose and his soft round cheeks
and pinch his chubby toes.
We get to share about 10 silent minutes of snuggle time, just the two of us.... 
every night.
...and thats what works for us.
It makes him comfortable, he sleeps well, 
and it's what I look forward to at the end of everyday.
When he's 15 years old, nobody will ask him,
how old he was when he started sleeping through the night,
or when he stopped drinking a bottle.
or how old he was when he started using the "potty"
and he surely won't still be sleeping in our bed.
It won't matter then, and it doesn't matter now.

I know that all I have is right now.
I do my best to enjoy each moment as it comes,
moments when he stands to close to the tv while watching Mickey Mouse...
the way he runs into my arms with a great big toothy grin and hugs me tight...  
all the times he squishes his food, and then wings it at the floor...
I always laugh at the way he picks things up with two fingers...
as if he were going to sip tea from it. 
I dont mind that I have the kid who the eats leaves and sticks and sand at the beach.
I adore his pudginess, and how he runs with his whole body...
arms flailing, cheeks jiggling, and all.
The unsteady caution he uses when climbing on and off the furniture...
His crazy Einstein hair in the morning...
The sound of his little voice when he says Ma-ma, melts my heart.

All the little ways he is growing into his own person
All of the sweet adorable things about him
These moments, wont last forever...
I figure instead of trying to hurry it along, and ask questions...
When will he_____?
I can't wait until he can _______?
Why can't he_______yet?
I am just going to enjoy him.
Because there will come a day when he wont want his Mommy to play with him anymore,
he won't run to the door to greet me when I come home,
and yet, there are days when all I think about is how much laundry and dishes 
I should be doing instead of playing...
But- just for today, I can forget about everything else, and remember to enjoy these fleeting moments.

"A baby fills a hole in your heart that you never knew was there."

Author: Unknown



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