Friday, December 21, 2012

The Bigger Picture

Sometimes I look back at my old posts, and cringe. 
Either because I think I said too much or sounded lame.
But that's where I was at that point in my life, and I wrote about it how I was experiencing it at the time, and that's what it looked like, sometimes embarrassingly enough. 
I often want to delete past posts, but I won't, it reminds me of where I was, and where I am now.
**Updates**
Scott had his surgery, the first couple of weeks were pretty rough, I won't lie.
He couldn't really get up off the couch, and slept in the recliner a couple of days in a row.
He was in a lot of pain, and doesn't do well with having people wait on him.
He is pretty self sufficient and likes to do it himself, typical man right?
But I tried my best to play nurse, and keep him off his feet as much as possible.
One of the days of  my incessant nagging....I realized, I am not the boss of him.
He has his own path, and it doesn't have anything to do with me, so I had to let go.
Let go of my fear and all the what ifs, and if he doesn'ts, and trust this process.
The process that didn't make any kind of sense,
and nothing good would come of it, I was sure.

I heard someone say the other day that they were like a vase that had broken into pieces...
and that God picked up the those pieces and glued them back together.
and this time God put his light inside.
And where does God's light shine the brightest?
Through the cracks. 
Its through these times of pain and misunderstanding, that I am rebuilt.
That I become more grateful.
That I can see.
See the bigger picture.
The plan this time, was that because of his injury, he was able to spend more time at home...
More time with Logan.
Time they were able to spend that strenghthened their relationship as Dada and son.
He took him to school and picked him up everyday.
He took him to the park and played everyday after school.
Dinner was ready when I got home from work.
Logan had his dinner, the dishes were done, the house was clean.
I had finally gotten the break I had so desperately wanted.
A chance to breathe.
To relax, to not feel like I was always doing everything all the time non stop.
TWO whole months!!!
It was wonderful.
And  I even remembered to enjoy it.
I got home from work and all i had to do was snuggle with my baby bird.

Now fast forward....
Scott has been back at work since December 3rd, and back to reality.
It was nice having a wife.. LOL!!
I wish I had better report, but I still completely suck at time management.
I wake up at 7:30am and rush around to get myself and Logan ready, and dash out of the house at 8:30, take him to school, and jump on the freeway
hopefully in time to make it to work by 9:30.
Then I get home so late, and its a mad rush to figure out dinner, get him in the bath, watch his ni-nite cartoons, and put him to bed. 
Which is my absolute most favorite time of the day by the way.
We have a new routine now that he is big... in his big boy bed and everything!
I get him snugly in his jams, and he sits on my lap in his recliner, lights off, and we watch Baby Einstein Lullaby's.
And that's when I unwind....
I smell his hair
squeeze chubby hands,
rub his baby knees.
And think to myself, how blessed I am...
to have a nice quiet home...
a happy healthy child......
and everything I could possibly need.
After I tuck him in and sneak out, the chaos continues...
and I have no idea what else I do sometimes, but literally buzz around the house
until 10 or 11 o'clock at night.
Its like I cannot go to sleep unless every last toy and sock are picked up off the floor.
Its bad.
Like- ridiculous.
So tonight I am not doing it.
I am looking forward to picking up dinner....
and doing nothing but snuggling on the couch, and watching a movie with my babe.
Because it has been literally weeks, since I have sat on my own couch for more than a half hour, and stayed there.

#workingonit



"Love is all you need"  
~ The Beatles

Love, Misty